Fraud Police, Ashtanga Police
What do I know about anything?
There I was: a twenty-something, telling a room full of people (with a helluva lot more life experience than me) about these eight steps towards clear contemplation. Or Nirvana. Or ecstasy.
They’re all going to find out I don’t know anything about any of this.
I know more about the band and the pill than I do about yoga. Shit.
The fraud police are going to get me. I had to get to India. Quick.
“the fraud police are this imaginary, terrifying force of experts and real grown-ups who don’t exist and who come knocking on your door at 3am when you least expect it, saying “fraud police. we’ve been watching you and we have evidence that you have no idea what you are doing. and you stand accused of the crime of completely making shit up as you go along. you do not actually deserve your job and we’re taking everything away. and we’re telling everybody.” — Amanda Palmer, 2011 commencement speech, New England Institute of Art
[but wait, there's more-- click here!]
For the last two months, I’ve been extricated from my comfy little urban bubble and placed smack dab in the middle of Gokulum, a dusty little hamlet on the outskirts of Mysore City, India. I’m doing my daily practice and study at the K. Pattabhi Jois Ashtanga Yoga Institute, where the founder of Ashtanga Yoga taught for more than sixty years. Located in deliciously humid South India, where every yoga is hot yoga, I’m here to study with the Jois family in what my mom calls “yoga grad school.” This is the granddaddy of all the vinyasa (or “flow”) yoga practices — you know the ilk, they’re the ones popping up like Starbucks. Starbucks, friend-o’s, this joint isn’t. In the interest of devoting myself fully to my practice, I’ve taken a sabbatical from CrossFit and contemporary weight training. Even if I had wanted to keep up with overhead squats and organized burpees, Mysore is totally comfort-zone non-gratis. Alas, no CrossFit box (but I am mostly paleo!). Never fret, I’m not coming home a bendy 500lbs shut-in. Though I deeply miss my friends, colleagues and students at Balance Gym, I think I’ve devised something handy for y’all. Here are 6 sneaky ways I’m staying fit while abroad:
Complimentary Cleanse
Special Cleanse
Free with every visit! Perhaps you’ve heard of the master cleanse? The juice fast? Maybe known some people to just chew chocolate laxatives while drinking champagne? Yes, friends, the end results is always the same (I was tempted to make this one #2!). The easiest five pounds you’ll ever lose is yours… whether you like it or not. Remember the toilet paper (they don’t use it here!) [but wait, there's more-- click here!]
