Fraud Police, Ashtanga Police

What do I know about anything?

There I was: a twenty-something, telling a room full of people (with a helluva lot more life experience than me) about these eight steps towards clear contemplation. Or Nirvana. Or ecstasy.

They’re all going to find out I don’t know anything about any of this. 

I know more about the band and the pill than I do about yoga. Shit.

The fraud police are going to get me. I had to get to India. Quick.

“the fraud police are this imaginary, terrifying force of experts and real grown-ups who don’t exist and who come knocking on your door at 3am when you least expect it, saying “fraud police. we’ve been watching you and we have evidence that you have no idea what you are doing. and you stand accused of the crime of completely making shit up as you go along. you do not actually deserve your job and we’re taking everything away. and we’re telling everybody.” —  Amanda Palmer, 2011 commencement speech, New England Institute of Art

[but wait, there's more-- click here!]

One Response
Love the content? Have posts sent:
  • Straight to your inbox
  • or Subscribe to our RSS Feed
  • For the last two months, I’ve been extricated from my comfy little urban bubble and placed smack dab in the middle of Gokulum, a dusty little hamlet on the outskirts of Mysore City, India. I’m doing my daily practice and study at the K. Pattabhi Jois Ashtanga Yoga Institute, where the founder of Ashtanga Yoga taught for more than sixty years. Located in deliciously humid South India, where every yoga is hot yoga, I’m here to study with the Jois family in what my mom calls “yoga grad school.”  This is the granddaddy of all the vinyasa (or “flow”) yoga practices — you know the ilk, they’re the ones popping up like Starbucks. Starbucks, friend-o’s, this joint isn’t. In the interest of devoting myself fully to my practice, I’ve taken a sabbatical from CrossFit and contemporary weight training. Even if I had wanted to keep up with overhead squats and organized burpees, Mysore is totally comfort-zone non-gratis.  Alas, no CrossFit box (but I am mostly paleo!). Never fret, I’m not coming home a bendy 500lbs shut-in. Though I deeply miss my friends, colleagues and students at Balance Gym, I think I’ve devised something handy for y’all. Here are 6 sneaky ways I’m staying fit while abroad:

    Complimentary Cleanse

    Special Cleanse

    Free with every visit! Perhaps you’ve heard of the master cleanse? The juice fast? Maybe known some people to just chew chocolate laxatives while drinking champagne? Yes, friends, the end results is always the same (I was tempted to make this one #2!). The easiest five pounds you’ll ever lose is yours… whether you like it or not. Remember the toilet paper (they don’t use it here!) [but wait, there's more-- click here!]

    One Response
    Love the content? Have posts sent:
  • Straight to your inbox
  • or Subscribe to our RSS Feed
  • Michael in Mysore: Chamundi Hill

    March 1, 2012

    Something you should know about India: a lot of stuff is anyone’s guess. Let me lead this post by saying that I climbed a pretty big hill. This big holy hill I climbed is said to be the 5th Holiest Hill in all of India.Or the eight. Or the sixth. I don’t know.  We’re gonna [...]

    Read More

    Michael in Mysore: Bylakuppe, Temples and Tameka the Elephant

    February 28, 2012

    Before the Adventure I didn’t come to India specifically to be alone. No one would call me an introvert, but as my dear sage friend Lauren Waggner once put it “I know you need to drink from the well of solitude.” Nor would anyone call me old fashioned, except perhaps for my manners. But, Michael and [...]

    Read More

    Bhakti Yoga: A Poem

    February 27, 2012

    I’m not much of a chanter, as most everyone within earshot can atest. Better I show my devotion with words. This is for my Michael and for Krishna: Hear the Wild howlin’,  “Time yet? Time yet?” “Patience, patience,”  comes the Calm’s reply.  “First the garden,  then the party.”  With Radha, Krishna danced.

    Read More

    Paleo One Pot Poached Egg Aubergine (aka: quick paleo baba ganoush)

    February 26, 2012

    There are as many cultures swirling around Mysore as there are dust clouds. With a fog so low and hazy and a percentage of population so transient, this town can’t help but create a low-ceiling pressure cooker for practice, communication, and emotion. One thing you’ll note is that Ashtangis love to talk about what they’re [...]

    Read More